Hello travelling!

I've bought my motorbike. And what a beauty she is.

Having missed out on a bike yesterday due to blatant feminism I was up early (10am) and hit the streets (11ish). I was on a mission (serious face). We were leaving Sunday morning and doing the Cu Chi tunnels tomorrow so my expert maths (casio watch) told me I had one day to find my travelling partner or spend more time in Saigon (no thanks).

I've just realised this is probably the first time I've written the name of a day in this blog. When travelling certain things go out of the window. Time and date is one of them. Ask me how to get around the backpacking area of Saigon and where all the bars are and I will real them off with military precision. Ask me what the date is.. hey ask me what the day is and the only reply you'll get is a furrowed brow and pained puzzlement.

Armed with a wealth of internet Vietnam motorbike knowledge I had amassed while rinsing the free internet at our first hotel (while waiting for Darren to bribe his way across the border) I hit the streets (we changed from our plush $22 a night place to a basic yet full of character $8 a night hovel. And yes, the $8 a night was for both of us combined!)

The night before we met 2 Swedish guys who had just finished their Hanoi to Saigon adventure and had two bikes to sell. Worried that most people travel together, they were reluctant to sell just one to me. Lot's of mumbling and hand waving (more from their side - I opted for the the bolt upright stance, arms crossed and copius amounts of disapproving head shaking through most of it), the result was that I left empty handed. This really p*ssed me off cos the bikes were in good condition and time was running out.

So after a fruitless morning of bike searching I met Darren for lunch. Luckily for us said Swedish boys were walking down the road so we pretty much jumped them and walked them to their bikes 'urging' them to sell one. And sell one they did!

I am now the proud owner of a chipped 'ferrari' red Minsk. Compared to a lot of the other bikes she's in top condition although obviously a smoker from the way she sputters. Better yet she has lights, indicators and came with a helmet, saddle bags and much needed tools and spare parts. Ok she doesn't have speedo, a fuel guage or any type of theft protection including a key but what Minsk does?

After taking her for a spin the first stop was to put her into the garage (her horn doesn't work) where she'll keep Darren's bike (he's named her Bertha) company. Oh by garage I really mean guy on corner of street with sunshade and tool box. Nevertheless when we rocked up with our bikes mechanics came out of everywhere - kind of like a musical (without music) and were swarming over our bikes. Darren is virtually having his bike rebuilt to the tune of 25 quid. It's crazy how cheap stuff is out here.

Any ideas on what to call the bike email me. Otherwise catch you all soon.. xx

Erm.. right. Vietnam, well more specifically Saigon, is nuts. Even my taxi driver on the way to the hotel was scared by the swarm of motorbikes that engulf every spare yard of tarmac. It's a dazzling site to behold, but a daunting one as in a few days time I'll be doing the same.

The flight to Vietnam was pretty much uneventful. We were given medical forms to fill out (swine flu) and I can guarantee that everyone on that flight lied just like the spluttering guy next to me did and gave themselves a clean bill of health.

On the tarmac and out of the airport I'm approached by a shifty looking 'taxi' driver. More intrigued by anything I was happy for him to show me the 'taxi' and his promised meter. He must have thought he had a deal and quoted 300,000 dong. A rediculous amount. Unfortunately for him the police arrived on.. yup.. a motorbike and told him in no uncertain terms to let the fresh faced tourist get a proper taxi. In your face fake taxi driver. 1-0 to the plod (and me).

The plan was to meet Darren at the hotel at 11:30. Seven hours later it finally happened (he got stopped on border and they wouldn't let his motorbike in) and we duly hit the town. Oh he got his bike in eventually.

Let me stop right there. Because today was a momentous occasion. The UK might have seen their millionaire scene shrink by half but yours truly became a millionaire yesterday. Ok, it was a dong millionaire (which really doesn't sound right), but a millionaire I became. I felt so flushed with cash that I even made Darren a millionaire as well to alleviate his rediculous bank withdrawal charges. That is how charitable millionaires are.

All of the above aside, I'm here for a reason. 5 weeks, 2000 kms, one motorcycle (required). And therein lies a slight problem. You see, foreigners (more accurately tourists) cannot own a motorcycle. Yes Lucy thank you for gasping, it is crazy isn't it? Also not only is the traffic insane but they also have a unique method of sorting out traffic accidents and who's to blame / pay. It works like this:

1. If you are driving a larger vehicle - you are at fault and must pay. Therefore a car will always be at fault if involved in an accident with a bike, etc. etc.
2. If you are western, the above does not apply as you are always at fault and must always pay.

I'm not sure how to end this blog because I actually don't know what will happen.. I'll let you know when I do!

Laterz and love to all!

Chris

So our last stop is Koh Tao, accessible via a kattermerang (spelling?) which splurges through the ocean and allows you to play the 'will my bags stay on that flimsy deck, wow they are being buffeted about' game.

Koh Tao is a smaller island and from I could see, devoid of culture. It's a proper westerners location and this was sad. The more time I spent in the south, the more familiar it was to all of the other summer holidays I've been on and I actually began to miss the north. Never happy!

Having had 3 days in Koh Tao - I find myself with the least to write about. Chilling on the beach, frisby, restaurants, beach parties, late nights - everyday was filled with stuff to do but I'm struggling to come up with anything out of the ordinary and interesting that I haven't already spoken about. Of course I met some more cool people, oh and I also had one of the best curries of my life - but this time was more about chilling and I guess that doesn't make for an interesting blog.

So this is it - Thailand trip over. I'm currently sitting at the same computer desks that started this all off, in the same hotel in Bangkok. It's 9pm and I leave for the airport tomorrow to fly to Vietnam. I've thoroughly enjoyed the Thailand leg of the trip. Travelling is more about who you do it with and the people I have met on this trip have been awesome. It's rare to meet a group where everyone gets on so we were a lucky bunch. Or maybe it was karma - whatever you want to believe in!

To finish the post I have to make it into something therefore I'll give you a run down of comments, views, opinions I've had over the past few weeks:

- Bangkok smells. The north smells like Bangkok. The south doesn't smell.

- Thai people in Bangkok love to draw on maps

- Northern Thai people are more fascinated with westerners

- Southern Thai people are so unfascinated with westerners that shopowners are reluctant to sell you their stuff

- My staple breakfast has been a cornetto and a bag of crisps

- I no longer care half as much about insects crawling over me, especially big ones

- 7/11 is a magical place and should be given world heritage protection. If only for their ham and cheese toasties

- Very hard to get over superficial chatter and have indepth intelligent conversations when travelling

- My stomach has gone Thai and can no longer hold western food

- Never let a Thai ladyboy give you betting advice

- I crave fresh fruit and vegetables

- I never thought I would crave fresh fruit and vegetables

- I sweat at the top of my stomach, giving the impression that I'm lactating. Seriously what is that all about??

- Tattoos are cool

- You never get used to 100 baht being just 2 quid and will haggle furiously to get it down to at least 80.

- It's a great country and I understand why people choose to live here

Adios!

5am. Normally I would heavily berate anybody who'd dare suggest we meet at such a rediculous hour. Yet I find myself with 3 hours sleep and very happy to be up and about. Why? We're leaving Koh Sok National Piece of Crap. Amen to that! To salute this momentous occassion our transport to the ferry is none other than the Full Moon Party Bus! On the outside it looks like a veritable banquet of booze, drugs and flusey awaits anyone who can prize open her magical doors. In reality 1970s turquoise blue curtains and mouldy seats that recline so much that the person behind can tickle your eye lids. There was now a very real feeling among us travellers that this was truly a basic trip..

One chugging ferry ride later and we arrive in our Koh Samui resort. Koh Samui is known for its winds so popular with the wind surfers and sailors. Our place was, in all honesty, great. A pool, hot tub, nice restaurant, beach 50 metres away, and set in a quieter part of the island but very close to the main strip. An hour later the twang of American and Canadian filled the air to herald the arrival of the GAP group.

The afternoon was spent on the beach perfecting our frisby diving then the evening we hit the main strip and ended up at this cool beach bar - lounging on cushions, drinking buckets, smoking shisha and watching the fire juggling people. It was a bit crazy - loads of hawkers and street sellers. Young kids would walk round with Connect 4 and challenge you to a game for 100 baht. I could see the glint in the little tyke's eyes so refrained. He also had a He Man t-shirt on which screams shark. I don't remember ever seeing one of them lose. To get sharked at pool is bad, Connect 4 is embarrassing!

The day ended at 5am with an early morning swim and then it was up at 8am - we boys had business to attend to.

By business I actually mean adventure and by adventure I actually mean deep sea fishing. Oh yes - for 34 quid the 5 of us had our own boat to sail the high seas in search of whales and giant squid. Unfortunately these marine animals don't habitat this area so we made do with Snapper, Breen, and Grouper.

Being hung over and tired any pretending not to be able to fish to get an upper hand was kept to a minimum. Besides, we are all best buds so it was to be friendly fishing. That was of course until the lines were cast and then it was game on! Matt, Phil, Dave and myself all quickly caught fish in the morning run. Result!

Feeling a little sick - a mixture of alcohol withdrawal symptons and the roughish seas, we headed to shallow waters for a spot of snorkelling. With the thumbs up from the mumsy boat captain we climbed to the top of the boat and jumped in, one after the after. We each surfaced, gagging with shock from the heavily salted sea water and slumped back to the boat, giving the intention that we would do it again but in reality all we were thinking was 'no chance'.

Snorkelling over we ate, chilled, then prepared for round 2.

A perceptive viewer has just sent a paper correspondance asking: 'Dear Chris, you mentioned in your blog that 4 people had caught a fish in the morning session, however I do recall you saying there were 5? Yours truly, Emma from Swindon.'

And right you are Emma from Swindon. Unfortunately Ben was unable to entice anything to nibble on his squid in the morning session. Being a supportive group we decided to declare that Ben's masculinity was forfeit if he didn't catch a fish in the afternoon session. This was then amended to include the clause that he would be cast out to sea in a dinghy and would only be allowed to return once he had wrestled a fish from the ocean.

The afternoon session was tense. Not for us others - we chilled out with our rods. But Ben's desperation to maintain his masculinity was evident. Luckily he didn't have to wait long! After an hour of sole searching (sorry couldn't resist) a grouper was hauled into the boat and held aloft by a triumphant Ben. We in turn gave him the respect he deserved and congratulated him warmly. Everyone was a winner. Result!

Everyone's masculinity in tact we pressed on with our friendly fishing match and although the scores weren't huge, the final results were: Matt and me - 3, Dave - 2, Phil and Ben - 1. Special mention goes to Ben who caught a squid as well. And a net.

Well done all!

Y'know something has happened to me since travelling. I don't know exactly how or why but I now have one of the following: an uncanny ability to read through bullsh*t or a lack of optimism. Either way by the time we had rolled down a small dirt track, 400 metres away from anything resembling life, and are greeted with our hotel and its immortal tag line 'perfect for nature lovers' - I knew we were in trouble.

A mere 15 hours before everything was good. Armed with a new camera, a trigger happy finger to fill up the 400 spare photo slots, and a cool sigha beer t-shirt, I was ready to roll. Another overnight train to look forward to - it was time to get serious. A samson bucket later we were on the prowl for the party carriage and declaring our intentions to everyone we passed. Our bunks being in the last carriage and the party carriage in the first, we annoyed quite a lot of people.

We also came up with a new game. By we, I mean me and Phil of course as the others were happy to stay in the safety of the carriage. The new game was simple and involved jumping off and on the train and playing chicken.

Once the party carriage was located another bucket was ordered and we set about turning the shabby buffet cart into the happening disco party carriage we knew it was longing to be. No longer would it be laughed at by the other carriages because it didn't measure up to their capacity loads.

To be fair it was a bit tame until the American and Canadian group turned up, having followed our party battle cries. Now this group is the same group who took our money at the boxing match, and we had seen again in Tha Ton, Chian Mai and Chiang Rai. So we all settle down and I get talking to a Kirsten Dunst lookalike. It turns out that they are on the GAP trip, funnily enough the exact same tour that STA travel had took my money for but neglected to tell the tour operator that I was going to be on it. None of them would own up to stealing my place and that was probably a wise move on their part.

That night was great. Fast forward and I am now standing outside our lodgings for the next two nights. Hotel staff are busily repairing our roof and cutting down trees around us. The hut is raised because of tigers and other naughty animals who prowl around and to be honest, I have no idea why there are any walls because anything could get into here. Thankfully there are some beasty mossie nets so at least there's that.

The next two days are more or less rubbish. We go tubing but my arms are so painful that it renders the whole thing unenjoyable. The hotel has attracted a weird assortment of.. well.. weirdos. It has its own Gary Glitter for starters and I won't even go into the 80 year old pasty flabby white guy with the two young Thai girls. Seriously I don't know how Thai men could put up with this if this happened in my own country I would go nuts. The food was rubbish, all you could do was walk and I was done with that. Again I found myself yearning for the south. Also our guide is becoming an increasing burden. We never see him. We meet in the evenings to discuss things to do and he sits there, offers no advice except to push us to do stuff that will earn him a kick-back. Compared to Egypt this guy is a complete joke and at the moment he's getting no tip.

Ok this entry is a bit of a rant but hey, travelling can't be great all the time. I've decided I'm not even going to edit this.

The national park wasn't all bad though. Aussie Matt, a new guy we picked up for the Southern part of the trip, had been on the northern trip with a group who was also at the national park. So we hung out with them in the evenings and they were a cool bunch. They were actually the highlight of this part of the trip. Well, that and the walk home at 2am. As stated above, we were staying down a small dark dirt track in the middle of nowhere. The girls were in plush lodgings in civilisation. So there I was, walking home at 2am with my small but surprisingly powerful magnilight (thanks Dad!) I'm not going to lie to you. I was pretty scared and it wan't made any better that the loveable store owner's dogs turned rather feral come nightful and decided to stalk me for part of my walk home.

Still I made it and 3 hours of sleep later I'm on the bus to Ko Samui where I will have 6 hours sleep in 72 hours..